PAs, Residential Staff and
Health Professionals

Welcome to: PAs, Residential Staff and Health Professionals 

When a disabled person expresses sexual needs, the first thing to sort out is what they really want – sex in a relationship, paid sex, or both (perhaps at different stages of their sexual journey). We see both as valid choices. TLC hopes to help reduce the stigma surrounding sex workers and initiate a move towards sex work being integrated into all other health care.

 TLC is well aware of the sensitive nature of dealing with disabled clients who want to use the services of sex workers. You may be juggling between the needs of the client, the views of their family, your own feelings, and the moral indignation of your colleagues, your boss and the Board of Governors.

Here are some guidelines to help you 

1)         The buying and selling of sex is not illegal in the UK. A huge number of perfectly respectable people hire sex workers and most sex workers themselves are highly professional, not the "victims" commonly portrayed in the media. 

2)         Calling up on behalf of a client is not illegal. If you feel uneasy or at risk making the phone call, one of our colleagues is happy to do so. He is a confident, kind-hearted disabled man called Greg on 020 8459 5002. 

3)         A wide range of services are available - same sex and heterosexual, escorting socially, striptease, kissing and cuddling, erotic massage, sexual coaching and teaching, tantric sex, full sexual service including vaginal or anal intercourse (using safer sex), girlfriend or boyfriend experience, domination and a whole range of bondage, discipline and sado-masochsim, fetish play, such as foot adoration, transvestite cross-dressing, etc. Many sex workers offer a wide range of services, and most have limits, which they express clearly. You might want to discuss all the available options with your client, to ensure he or she gets value for money, and an appropriate appointment is booked. 

4)         If there are no sex workers on this site in your area, you can find a sex worker by calling numbers advertised in your local paper, listed under "escort", "massage", "personal services" or "sauna", or looking on a local escort website, which you can find easily enough through google. 

5)         Call a few numbers to find the most competent and friendly sex worker who suits your client's needs. You will be able to tell the best, just by talking to them. A friend told us this story. He called a massage parlour offering "extras" and explained to the receptionist that he wanted to discuss whether they did X or Y. She said she would ask and came back to him after a minute, saying, no, they did not do X or Y. He realised he would not be safe at this parlour, and this is a good example of how easy it can be to tell what sort of standards they work to. 

6)         You need no secret codes or specialist knowledge.

We are sometimes asked what kind of questions are best asked when selecting a sex worker with the view to booking an appointment. Here are some examples:-

FIRST QUESTION (Breaking the ice and introducing disability)o I am phoning to book an appointment for a young disabled man who cannot use the phone. Do you take disabled clients? o I have a disabled client who cannot speak on the phone. He needs mild domination. Can you tell me if this is part of your service and what your charges are?o I have a disabled client who is a virgin and wants someone to give her a good first experience. Is this something you have any experience of? 

SECOND QUESTION (practicalities)o My client will not be able to travel to visit you. Can you come here-one lunchtime? He lives two miles outside the city at.... and how much extra would that cost?o My client uses an electric wheelchair. Is your flat totally accessible including the bathroom?o My client cannot undress herself and uses a catheter.  Can I accompany her to get her set up ready for sex? Or, Can I be present during your visit. 

THIRD QUESTION (specifying sexual needs and getting prices)o What are your limits? My client wants a warm experience with kissing and cuddling. How much for this with penetrative sex for one hour?o My client wants a girlfriend experience, going out with you for the afternoon, ending in intercourse back in his bedroom, with a bit of spanking by yourself. How much would that cost?o My client is into enema sex. Can you do this, if so how much? Or can you recommend a specialist locally? 

7)         Ensure that your client does not attend the session with a cold or other infection, and is well washed and groomed. If they have a learning disability, ensure they totally understand the nature of this transaction. They should take along enough money for the fee and a tip, but not carry lots of surplus cash.  PAsPAs are usually shown a job description when they apply for a job. This may include specific personal requirements, such as not interfering or being judgmental about the disabled person's lifestyle, and specific personal needs, such as placing the person's body in position for masturbation or sex, or arranging sex workers. It is essential for a happy working relationship that both parties agree on the jobs listed, and boundaries are clear and adhered to. Sexual services should not be included in the list of duties: for this the client should be referred to sex workers.  Residential StaffResidential staff are seldom in agreement on sexual matters but it is healthy to hold open discussions, to let everyone voice their opinion, and then agree that issues around sexuality should be handled only by those members of staff who feel comfortable doing so.  Sexual happiness may be very important to some residents, but they may not dare to express their desires, unless asked. It should be the duty of at least one member of staff to ask. Technical advice and support can be obtained on the Sex and Disability Helpline on 0707 499 3527. The member of staff may be obliged to run specific requirements past their boss and even the board of the Home, in order to proceed. Discretion is preferable, so that any sexual activity is not rubbed in the noses of those who feel uncomfortable about it, especially other residents, who might gossip. Magazines, sexual instruction books, porn and sex toys can be purchased by mail order, and will arrive in plain wrapping. They should not be opened by anyone except the resident or their confidante. If a sex worker is going to visit a resident, he or she will dress demurely on arrival so that others will need not know the purpose of her visit. It should be timed so that the sex worker can enter un-noticed, for example when everyone else is eating or watching their favourite TV programme. Other Health ProfessionalsFrequently, occupational therapists, social workers and other health professionals try to ignore the sexual needs of their clients, until forced to take notice once inappropriate behaviour or other disasters occur. We feel that sex should be discussed just like any other human need. If in doubt, ask your client to call the Sex and Disability Helpline on 0707 499 3527. As you are reading this website, we presume that you are planning to take interest in your clients' sexual health and happiness. You may be feeling ill prepared to help them because sexuality was not included in your training. Outsiders is planning training courses to meet this gap. See www.outsiders.org.uk. Until this training begins, studying the Outsiders website will prepare a long way towards doing this work. Mostly you will be offering encouragement, reassurance, and using your common sense. Don't tell clients what to do, but ask them what is troubling them and discuss the options. When you consider the healing power of touch alone, sex workers can provide an invaluable service to people recovering from strokes and accidents, old people, those with progressive disabilities, and lonely people in general. 

Sometimes, health professionals come across clients who are seriously sexually frustrated and lonely, with no funds to pay a sex worker and no opportunities to form relationships. The only thing we can do to help them is to sit and listen with empathy. Perhaps one day there will be funds to rescue them.