Dame Helen “I am a complete believer in legal brothels” Mirren

Tender Loving Care, TLC, is about sex, sexuality, sexual health, sexual health of disabled people, sex lives of disabled people, sexual advice for disabled people, sexual services for disabled people, sex therapy for disabled people, responsible sex workers, training, handicapped, service providers, the responsible sex worker, advice, services, therapy, training, handicapped, responsible service providers
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Connecting disabled men & women to responsible sex workers & professional sexual advocates

I have found the TLC very liberating, as if a weight has been lifted.
Young man with cerebral palsy

Dame Helen “I am a complete believer in legal brothels” Mirren

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Welcome to the TLC Trust

Welcome to disabled people, sex workers, sexual surrogates and health care professionals.

The sex workers on this site are all independent escorts who are highly professional and good at their job. They enjoy working with disabled people. They do their best to fulfil the requests of their disabled clients, be they educational, exploration, emotional support or pure fun, and like to see clients leave with a smile on their face. They work within the law, and make reasonable charges for their time and professional overheads. We welcome more of you: if you are interested, please register.

 

The disabled people who come to this site to hire sex workers do so for many reasons: some to lose their virginity with someone who can teach them, others because they cannot find a sexual outlet elsewhere and, not being able to express their sexuality is driving them nuts! Some cannot even masturbate because of their impairments and this seriously affects their lives, with a deteriorating effect on their capacity to concentrate, work and enjoy themselves. Like other clients, sexual expression may mean many things. For many, just being in a warm set of arms and having their bodies accepted is incredibly powerful.

 

Most of the disabled people who use this site are heterosexual men. Disabled women often say they would love to pay someone who knew what they were doing to help them discover the full sexual potential of their bodies. But they rarely take the step to hire a sex worker. Women are, quite rightly, cautious of putting themselves in situations with strangers where they may be vulnerable. We advise women, therefore to maybe hire a couple. If she's heterosexual, the woman can look after her dignity and the man do the sex work. Alternately, contact the Sex and Disability Helpline and they can guide you and make informed recommendations. The number is 0707 499 2527 11am to 7pm weekdays.

There are sometimes lesbian and bisexual women who hire the ladies on the site, but gay disabled men seem to find what they need elsewhere.

 

Many disabled men wrestle between the messages they've received whilst growing up and seen in the media on prostitution, and their own personal desires. They fear coming away feeling disgusted with themselves. What helps is to think of the paying experiences as educational. It's a chance to learn about how their body responds to a woman, how they can communicate during a sex and how to please and satisfy a woman with the part/s of their body and the functions which work. That way, he comes away feeling enlightened, more confident and hopefully, a happy bunny.

 

If there is no sex worker listed on this site suitable for your needs and/or local enough, type “escort” and your home town into a search engine (such as Google or Yahoo) and look around. You will probably find plenty of choice. Telephone and listen, and you will be able to work out if they sound professional, by the way they answer your questions.

 

The TLC is aware that health professionals who work with disabled people have residents, students and clients really wanting and needing sexual experiences, both paid or within relationships, and enabling this is part of holistic care. We encourage homes and hospices to have a special private room where this can take place (and some do). If you are forbidden by senior staff to make the telephone arrangements for a visit on behalf of your client (which would be discriminatory against the disabled client, therefore illegal — see below), we have a TLC volunteer, Greg, who can assist. Call him at 020 8459 5002.

Our Freedom of Information survey to local authorities carried out in 2010 revealed that only 4% of them condoned disabled people within their care hiring sex workers. However, at our meeting at the Department of Health in 2012, Alison Austin, head of Personal Budgets said that sex is a part of well being, and people should be allowed to pay for it out of their benefits.

Indeed, it's illegal to deny disabled people this right. It has always been legal to buy and sell sex in Britain (except in a brothel, or with those trafficked). It is also legal for a health professional to arrange the purchase on behalf of a client who requests it, and for that service to be supplied within a place of residence, college or hospice. Discrimination against disabled people being illegal, a health professional is actually acting against the law to deny clients the same opportunities as others, and they must make reasonable adjustments to allow them to be treated equally. This legislation over-rides any law which stops disabled people enjoying the same privileges as other people.

 

 Claire de Than, Senior Lecturer in Criminal and Human Rights Law at City University, says:

‘Everyone has the right to consensual non-harmful sexual activity in private, as part of sexual autonomy and respect for private lives.

 

‘It is a fundamental right and basic human need. Some people with disabilities may need to be supported or helped in exercising their rights and meeting their needs, in this context as in others. There are perfectly legal ways in which people who need assistance in finding sexual expression may be supported.

 

'Anyone who has the capacity to make choices about their own sexual expression should be allowed and supported to do so. ‘Care providers have a duty to uphold and enable the rights of people with disabilities. The media should be aware that sensationalising or misrepresenting practical support given in this context is an affront to human dignity and autonomy.'  

 

Outsiders is currently looking at ways to find local women who will “lend a hard” to disabled people unable to masturbate, perhaps students in more rural areas. They need input from other enthusiastic groups.

We hope you enjoy the TLC site, and that it works for you.