Finding a sex worker
It has taken a while to get this site accessible to disabled people and now that we have got it working properly, we hope to attract sex workers everywhere, to see to the many personal needs of disabled people around the UK, and indeed the world.
Until that happens, you will find it is easier than ever before to find a sex worker through adverts in local and national newspapers for saunas, massage parlours, escorts, home visits and sex workers who work in flats. The Internet provides many really good websites where escorts are not only advertised, they are also reviewed by other clients. Just type "Escort" and your local town into google and look at the range of sex workers available
If you are disabled, shy or socially nervous, inexperienced or feeling very vulnerable, it is important that you hire a sex worker who is highly professional and good at his or her job. You are most likely to find him or her through an advert or website which brings you into direct contact with a sex worker, or go through a really good agency. It stands to reason that a sex worker who runs her own life in her own flat or stays on the books of a reliable agency or website is likely to be less chaotic and more reliable that a street-based sex worker.
Street based sex workers often have drug problems and the street environment can pose other problems including opportunities for violence and theft.
Some massage parlours and saunas can be seedy while others are very good. The standard varies regionally. Parlours in Birmingham, Sheffield and Edinburgh are often very good indeed. Look for clues about the standard of a sauna or parlour. Good ones will often have lots of facilities such as saunas, steam rooms, a gym, and lounge areas. You can usually phone to ask about the facilities and good parlours will be able to tell you who will be working on a particular day. While the names may not mean anything to a new client, a disorganised parlour will not be able to tell you this in advance: a truly dreadful sign.
Flats are often run along similar lines as a sauna or parlour, but providing a home atmosphere rather than the club style found in parlours. You will need to phone to make an appointment and get the address. This will be a good time to let the sex workers know about your own abilities and disabilities, to get a feel for whether the sex worker is welcoming. Check out practical things like access if these are a problem for you. Many saunas, parlours and flats are upstairs or downstairs in old buildings with no lifts and, like other establishments, tell you it's all OK, forgetting the steps, narrow doorways and upstairs loos.
Escorts may be independent or work through an agency. Look for their websites and ads in newspapers or magazines. It is an escort you are looking for if you want a night on the town or someone to go to dinner with. More often, escorts provide in calls where you visit the escort at his or her address and out calls or visits where the escort comes to your place or to a hotel. Websites will often give you phone numbers, emails and other direct booking systems. Many disabled people prefer to be visited by a sex worker because they have all their comforts, contraptions and gadgets at home and may find that a journey makes them too tired for sex. Like other professionals, sex workers charge for their time, so look for a sex worker who offers out calls or visits in your area for a fixed fee or is based near you. This will minimise the amount of time they have to travel to visit you: hence minimising your costs. After all, if you are going to pay for someone's time, you might as well make sure they are are spending that time with you rather than on the train!
How to conduct the transaction
Professional sex workers enjoy working with clients who treat them well, so the first lesson to learn is to be a good customer. This means speaking openly but respectfully, turning up on time with the agreed cash, with some extra for the tip you should give him or her if you get a good service. Be well scrubbed with clean clothes. If you can't make the date after you make it, let your sex worker know. That phone call will be all important should you ever want them to accept a date with you again. Nothing pisses sex workers off more than time wasters! Cancel too if you have a cold or other infection. Some sex workers might be happy to talk in detail about the services they provide before a date. Others, will be more cautious. So whether you talk detail on the date or beforehand, do say what you want and don't be shy. They have heard all the requests before and they range from learning how to chat someone up or please them sexually to experimenting with your fantasies, being touched all over, snuggling up and whispering sweet nothings to wild sexy passion. Just ask for all the things you miss in life and all the things you enjoy. For example, you might ask for the session to be intimate, or for something special like a striptease, an S/M ritual.
Don't try and hang around after your time is up and don't pester the sex worker afterwards by phone. Make the most of feeling good by calling up friends to cheer them up.
Any sex worker who refuses to see you because of your disability, or sounds timid on the phone is best dismissed. She or he would not be ideally suited to you anyway. You might not find exactly the right sex worker the first time round, but don’t give up. There is just as much variety amongst sex workers as there is in any other line of work. Try going with a few different sex workers and aim to find somebody that is just right. If you want somebody to chat and laugh with, keep searching for that sex worker. If you want somebody who is a bondage expert, seek out that retired boyscout who knows how to tie knots!
Good sex workers have probably had plenty of experience with disabled clients. If you have special needs, which she or he may not have come across before, if you have a condition which could be life-threatening during sex, if you get autonomic dysreflexia, for example, or if you find it very difficult to spontaneously relate your feelings and needs, perhaps having Asperger Syndrome, you may wish to send her a note about all this, or discuss it on the phone in advance. Some sex workers don't like discussing sex on the phone in case the client turns out to be a policeman.
Boundaries
The most satisfying sex depends on good communication with each person letting the other(s) know what they are enjoying and what they might like to try. Sex workers usually have lots of experience and should be able to help you have a great time but they are not mind readers, so talk with your sex worker during your time together.
Of course, it will be just as important that you let your sex worker know if you are not comfortable, not enjoying something or if there are some things that you are just not interested in trying. Everybody has their limits and individuals must ensure that their sexual partner knows what these are. Again, communication is the key. If your sex worker suggests doing something that you do not want to do, or you want to stop it at any time, all you have to do is say so. This applies equally to sex workers and their clients. Everybody has the same rights. So talk, talk, talk and flirt but if your sex worker sets limits you must respect these just as he or she must respect your limits.
Sex workers are usually pretty liberal people so you are unlikely to offend him or her by asking him or her to take part in something – but DO ask. Do not just assume your sex worker will do EVERYTHING! Limits may be set to promote good sensations, protect health or prevent unwanted pregnancy. They may also reflect preferences, style, experience or sense of fun. Whatever the reasons, you are bound to get on best by respecting each other’s boundaries. Talk and enjoy.
If you are in an institution or hospital, best explain to the staff that you are expecting a lover to visit. Tell that the sex worker in advance you need them to look and behave like a normal visitor, perhaps a lover, so you can be given all the necessary privacy. This is called the discreet hospital visit.
Emotional and Physical Safety
If you are unable to chat on the phone and need someone to speak / write emails on your behalf, this means that you should select at least one PA who is open to your sexual needs and will translate everything for you accurately, without embarrassment, stigma or censorship. If nobody in your residential home will do this, ask for an advocate. You can assure them that it is not illegal for them to hire a sex worker or make the booking on your behalf. You can also assure them that seeking pleasure through professional services is both safe and commonplace.
All professional sex workers will use safer sex. Sex with a professional is likely to be much safer than with a horny groover you meet down the local disco. Never insult a sex worker by trying to bribe them into having intercourse without a condom. If you do find a sex worker who is willing to have unprotected sex – you can be sure he or she will have done this with others before you. Get out of there as fast as you can! You can have confidence in the good practice of a professional sex worker. Most are very good at what we do.
If putting a condom on makes you lose your erection, enjoy non-penetrative sex or ask the worker if they are willing to use a Femidom, an alternative form of barrier protection that the lady inserts.
If what you really want is a relationship with someone, be very careful that you don't confuse professional sex with a girlfriend or boyfriend relationship. There are positive aspects of both kinds of relationships but they are not the same. When you have someone special – great. Whether you have someone special or not, there will always be professional sex workers! It's easy to simply pay for what you want without all the responsibilities of negotiating with a lover and some people prefer to live without all the emotional baggage of a relationship, and visit a sex worker whenever they feel the urge.
Becoming a Regular
Lots of sex workers and clients enjoy the situation where visits become regular. The sex worker can make progress with educating the client, and the client can enjoy the experience more because he or she may feel more relaxed.
However, there can be a downside to this, when the client becomes dependent, stops looking for a real partner, and may even start forming emotional bonds and making demands. This messes up the clear cut commercial dynamics and will probably end in tears. Most sex workers will decide to stop seeing the client, and the client feels let down.
TLC cannot get involved in situations such as these, and all we can say is that sex workers have no obligation to take your booking, nor explain why.
It is essential to keep boundaries clear. You can be as friendly as you like, whilst respecting each other's boundaries and never making demands.