Tender Loving Care, TLC, is about sex, sexuality, sexual health, sexual health of disabled people, sex lives of disabled people, sexual advice for disabled people, sexual services for disabled people, sex therapy for disabled people, responsible sex workers, training, handicapped, service providers, the responsible sex worker, advice, services, therapy, training, handicapped, responsible service providers
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Kimberly Kline who set up the Desiree Alliance

For disabled men and women
to find responsible sexual services
Things people say ...
“The word thank you is not enough. I am a 72 year old blind man who has never even had a cuddle, and now I have something to look forward to.”
Tony

Kimberly Kline who set up the Desiree Alliance



Advice

Making the most of the wide range of services available

Hiring a sexual service with a positive attitude can transform a disabled person’s life so that they become confident, no longer frustrated, and ready to enjoy life to the full. It can comfort those at the end of their lives and make their last days enjoyable. It can provide incredibly powerful fantasies that fuel sexual enjoyment for your whole life. Just ensure you have read our advocacy page, to be as close as possible in the knowledge of what you want out of your session/s and are confident enough to articulate this the the person you decide to hire.

Some men who just want to have a bit of fun, club together to hire an escort who services them individually in the same house,flat, or residence. This is cheaper than each of them paying for a visit separately.

Some people don’t want to go so far as hiring a sexual service yet. There are other options:

1) Striptease

Watching striptease can be highly enjoyable, aspirational, and a turn on. Be sure to pick a proper strip pub rather than the sterile big American-style lapdancing clubs where the dancers don’t enjoy creativity and self expression. If you want to hire a stripper to perform for you in private or for your residence as a Saturday night performance treat, contact a local striptease agent or a strip pub to discuss the options. Both men and women can enjoy female and male strippers. Male strippers tend to be funny and invite people up on stage to do pretend blow jobs under a cloth, etc. Most of it is good fun and inspire the audience to feel liberated and more aware of their bodies.

Some disabled people find the idea of a sex worker would be too overwhelming and choose a striptease artist instead. See pictures of a deaf blind man enjoying a striptease at our conference DISABILITY: Sex, Relationships and Pleasure at the Royal Society of Medicine in London at http://shada.org.uk/wp2/?page_id=38

Others arrange or go to a stag night where there is a girl or several girls, and perhaps a comedian, who put on a show and and then hand jobs and or oral sex, may be on offer.

2) Webcam Services

Professionals provide flirtation and stripping live online, to the clients’ wishes, so they have virtual sex together while the client sits in the comfort of his own home, and masturbates to orgasm. Some unsavoury websites squeeze more money out of paying clients before more sex can take place, so you may need to alert your disabled clients to this. Perhaps the two safest sites currently offering this services are ifriends and Cam4. Cam4 includes men and trans people as well as girls. Some of the performers are disabled — they sit on the bed and be watched looking sexy even if they cannot walk, and thus earn money without having to go out to work. They do have to be self-assured and tough to do this work, but disabled clients might prefer them. Relationships can be built up so a web worker knows their client’s requirements and how to get them off. Other interactions can also be very impersonal, leaving a disabled client feeling uncared for, but really it’s up to the client to form a good relationship.

3) Phone sex operators

People skilled at turning clients on verbally till they reach orgasm. Good ones cut to the heart of their clients’ fantasies, and take them on exaggerated erotic journeys in their head.

4) Massage

A professional massage can help you to reclaim your body and help you learn to receive pleasure. This can be a life-changing experience for someone who has only been poked, received treatment, and operated on. The masseur/se will keep it modest and not venture towards your genitals or breasts unless you have ordered a sexual massage. A sexual massage will end in orgasm. A Tantric massage may or may not end in orgasm, and will help you to learn to appreciate the pleasure of the here and now, and enjoy your whole body.

5) Body Image Therapy

There are many different kinds who all can make disabled people feel more confident about their bodies, their appearance and attractiveness. See “Our Partners” in the menu bar in www.Outsiders.org.uk

Advice to Disabled People

Having been providing this service for well over a decade, we have come across all kinds of situations and experiences, and this advice is based on what we have learned. However, you may not relate to what is written, and we don’t want you to feel left out or think we are generalising. Let us know about your situation so we can support you and add your experiences to this list of guidelines:

I’d rather have a girlfriend/boyfriend – of course, most people would, but the relationship you have with your sex worker will be an intimate friendly, if professional one, and can prepare you so that, when you meet someone whom you share chemistry with, you will be more confident in yourself and knowledgeable enough to form a great sexual relationship with them.

How can I be sure I won’t catch a disease off a sex worker? They only have safer sex with clients and always use a condom. You are much more likely to catch an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) from someone you meet in a club or elsewhere.

I always lose my erection once the condom is on. Have non-penetrative sex or try sex where the partner to be penetrated uses a female condom, which goes inside them.

I am a disabled female and want to pay for sex with a man. Call us up to find someone suitable.

I don’t want to pay for sex as this might make me feel grubby. Look upon it as an education and a way to learn more about sex and yourself.

My parents / care staff disapprove. Tell them that it is illegal not to support you.

My care staff refuse to wash me after seeing a sex worker. Threaten to report them unless they wash you respectfully.

I have nobody to tell about my amazing visits to sex workers Make friends in the Outsiders Club www.Outsiders.org.uk

I am afraid I will become addicted to sex workers and become unable to start a relationship Tell your sex workers about you worry and ask them to prepare you for finding a partner

I’m gay and seek a male sex worker If there is nobody local on this site, try Gaydar

I want to learn how to be a dom/domme Visit one and ask to be taught

I don’t want sex with a stranger and need to meet the sex worker first Arrange for such a meeting

I have no genitals as they were removed – how can I get help? A sex worker or Sexological Bodyworker can help you explore your body, help you to like and enjoy it, and train you how to be sexual.

I hate my genitals but need to get over this A Tantric practitioner is probably best placed to support you on this journey.

I am a female with cerebral palsy and sex for me is painful A sex worker or a Sexological Bodyworker can teach you how to relax and enjoy penetrative sex.

General Advice to Health Professionals

Please read our website and learn about this area of work and the type of transactions which take place, instead of calling us up for basic advice.

If there is no service provider, or no suitable service provider in your area, please try AdultWork or UKAdultZone or, if you are gay, Gaydar, to see if you can find someone suitable. If they do a good job, please suggest they register on this site.

Advice for Health Professionals working in Residences and Hospices

Too many homes and hospices are held back by their trustees and governors who fear local or national scandal if sex workers are allowed into their establishments. You need to inform your board that it is illegal NOT to support your disabled residents to enjoy the same pleasures as others enjoy in the privacy of their own homes. Policies need to be drawn up for procedures to secure the safety and reputation of the home, at the same time as providing this support.

Since the scandal of the Sussex care home allowing sex workers into their residence, the press have “grown up”. In fact, Ch4 news has been planning a story revealing the bad practice of homes refusing residents their sexual rights.

Obviously, a visit by a sex worker needs to be handled discreetly so that other residents don’t know about it, and staff behave professionally. If members of staff object, they need to work elsewhere in your establishment, or leave.

By the way, any service provider arriving at your residence will look quite normal, and would pass as a relative or friend. Only once they engage in their work, might their appearance seem risqué or bizarre.

Sometimes it’s best if the booking is arranged to take place in a room quite separate from the part of the building where residents live, perhaps the same suite where residences share a bed with their spouses or partners. It can have sexy and romantic décor, candles, etc., and be a perfect boudoir for sexual encounters.

Advice for Health Professionals sourcing specialist services

Sometimes disabled people are causing problems by expressing bizarre sexual needs and need a sex worker to satisfy those needs, to dissipate the problem.

If there is no specialist website providing such services, try Fetlife, where all kinds of people advertise, some commercial.

Search on this site, AdultWork or UKAdultZone for service providers in your geographical area and read their list of services. If available, read reviews on the sex worker. Don’t be afraid to contact sex workers to ask if they will provide such a service, as most are willing to do anything within reason.

Advice for Catastrophic Injury Complex Claims Solicitors

Our advice is thus: Cost per visit by sex worker: £150 (or £120 plus travel) Cost per visit to sex worker: £120 Frequency: Weekly Duration: Till the age of 80

Advice to Parents

Some parents are cool about supporting their young daughter or son to enjoy a sexual service, whilst others can’t stand the idea of it. Many people have read negative press on prostitution and believe most sex workers are trafficked and all sex work is violence to women. This is propaganda spread by religious and radical groups aiming to put an end to a service which is as old as human history.

You may need to let go and realise your child has become an adult, with a normal sex drive and sexual needs. They may have been deprived normal teenage sexual experimentation and fun and need to catch up for lost time.

If he or she has a short life expectancy, then there even more urgency and importance that they enjoy as much as possible in the time left for them.